I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
