You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
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