And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Randomize
