My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Randomize
