Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
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