I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
