no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
