so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
is it fun? or sober?
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
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