So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
