you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
