My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
