When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
