too bad you live with your parents still
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
