Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Randomize
