If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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