There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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