Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
