So drunk, too bad you don't want this
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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