If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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