im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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