This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
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i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
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So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize