shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Randomize
