Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize
