i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
