Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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