smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I AM VODKA MAN
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Randomize
