May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
