I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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