she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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