so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Randomize
