I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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