I want to walk on stilts...naked
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
