Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
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