just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
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