I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Randomize
