Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
