I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
