Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
