what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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