Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
