So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
