I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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