whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
