drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
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