my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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