You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
