youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
