: south campus drug res life name erik. Love, tran
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
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