we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
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6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
they're like a gay fantastic four
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
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We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
He has the fingertips of a God
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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