careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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