So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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