definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize
