she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
