Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
