You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
