so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
