listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
