I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Randomize