drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
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