you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
id be glad to
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
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