I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
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