She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
