But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
