i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Randomize
