no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
