We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Randomize
