you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
