I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
My vagina just recognized that song.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Randomize
