operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Randomize
