Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Randomize
