u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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