I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
