True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Randomize
