the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
