1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
be right there i have to get my cape
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
