didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
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