Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
