I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Randomize
