if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
