Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
